First of, I would appreciate those of you who did have specific issues with me convey those to me instead of to others to tell me. I do not believe all of you had a negative experience with me at Faerie Camp, but to those of you who did… here is what I can say:

I’m not even sure how to start this or write this. I will do my very best to convey the bounty of mixed feelings I have at this moment in a way that is concise and hopefully understood. Upon exciting Faerie Camp I was informed that in my communications and requests throughout Fair, I had created an exceptionally negative experience for many people camped at Faerie Camp. I was told that I was bossy, mean, authoritative and an all around bad communicator. I did not know this until about 15 minutes before I left. I cannot tell you how absolutely crappy this made me feel. Never would it be my intention to shit on people or have their Fair experience be a bad one because of who I was being. I am especially disturbed as no one indicated they were feeling this way to me until the very last day in the end. Were people talking negatively about this behind my back the entire time? Was I that out of touch with the energy of Faerie Camp? Wow that feels bad

Most of my Fair was relatively great. Saw people I loved, had a fantastic pink-haired date and ate amazing food. How did I feel about Faerie Camp during Fair? Mostly ok to be honest, except for some glitches that I admit rubbed me in the entirely wrong way. Being one who likes to avoid conflict – I did not bother to deal with it… instead it must of come out in bursts and in a sharp tongue. I am sorry for not handling that better or for not letting you all know where my needs were not being met. Guess I was feeling chicken shit and was hoping it would resolve itself. I see now that was a big mistake.

How can I sum this up…? Number one… for years I don’t think I have quite understood Heather Baker’s contribution and organization to this camp. I now have an extremely new appreciation for what and who she has been all these years, all the fires she has squelched, and more clarity around her ongoing complaints and desire for those to take more responsibility in camp. Major props to the lady who gave us the opportunity to camp together and celebrate all together in an Event that has often been riddled with drama and limited space. THANK YOU HEATHER I GET IT NOW!!

It is a bitch to try and organize 40 plus extremely independent minded people who each have their own specific needs, wants and desires - when you really don’t even want to bother. It is a bitch to try and appease the neighbors who would be oh so glad to take over the space we have created for an ever-growing event and ever-diminishing availability of camping space at OCF - when all you want to do is hide in your tent with your lover. It can be a challenge to explain each year (which inevitably happens) to Fair Central why we were so loud and noisy Thur night… and why we should be able to be loud and celebratory Thur night – when you think their complaint is nonsense to begin with. Its not always fun explaining to the Vegematics post-fair and pre-fair why we smooshed tree X last year and why we were perhaps justified or unjustified in doing so – when you didn’t even realize it had happened. And of course…. can be tricky to deal with the mess of stuff that usually gets left behind after each year… The box of Drew continues to grow (I’m not sure you all realize that most of that alter stuff has been adopted over the years) and I am positive HB has quite a collection of Fair treasures.

I took it on this year… I own it that I took on that responsibility all its glory and now all its crap. I did it for myself so I could have a place at Fair to camp with my friends, I did it because I have an affinity for the Faerie Camp land itself, I did it so I could honestly have the experience of pleasing my friends and giving them a place to call home, I did it because I felt I was next in line from Heather Baker and she asked me, I did it because most others did not want to, I did it without even really thinking about it in too much depth. So in that, I now accept that I failed as a good communicator and leader for many of you. I’m sorry for that, however I am not sorry that I tried.

Do I know another way? I’m sure there were plenty…. Could I have done a better job or could someone else have? I am positive of it. Was posting, individually texting, phone calling, writing out a greeter station and laying out as much as I thought I could (as to what could be done at Faerie Camp) not enough? Perhaps not – though I had high hopes. Was I irritated that on Monday people still had not signed up to take responsibility for cleaning… well yes… however I understand cause I’ve been there. Did I perhaps bitch at people here and there about it… yup. Perhaps I may have even snapped at folks that shouldn’t have been snapped at. Sorry I was tired too. Did it get taken care of? Won’t really know until I get or don’t get a phone call next month from OCF. Do I think Faerie Camp was bad? Absolutely not. Sorry for those who did?

I am not really upset in this moment to be honest… disappointed yes, conflicted in some ways - yes. Overall - over it. I did my best, I failed many of you and I won’t take this on again. It is clear I am not the person for this role. I have much left to learn, but I choose not to make this my battle. It has unfortunately left an undesirable taste in my mouth. I’d rather stay in the sidelines next time. I have no idea what is to become of Faerie Camp. I may camp on that land next year, I may not. Heather Baker, Ali Kat, maybe one of them will be inspired to continue the tradition. That is for you all to choose.

Still Blessings
Still in Love
Acknowledging
Running…. Yup! I’m outa here!

~Natasha